“What’s in a name?” said Shakespeare, “A lot” sayeth I. He did not have to deal with the staff at the passport office, bank, or that hospital where I had to go for various medical tests, or get a driving license, PAN card, and lots of other cards essential to modern living. Things get worse when you are endowed with a surname that is a name in most parts of your country!
When I went to obtain my passport, I was absolutely sure my work would be over in a jiffy as all my documents were in order, but that was not to be. Despite innumerable incidents of female foeticide, rapes, dowry deaths and domestic violence, I am proud to say our countrymen believe in respecting women, why else would I be Rupalata in one document and Rupalben in another? So ultimately, I had to submit an affidavit to prove my identity and only then could I get my passport ready. Either my marital name did not match with the maiden one, or I was not clear in my head which name to use and was hence using 2 according to them. I could never convince them that Chhaya could be a surname.
Same is the case with my mother-in-law’s various cards, share certificates, bank accounts and fixed deposits where she is Devi in all documentation done at Delhi, and Ben in all paperwork carried out in Gujarat. I am at a loss to understand why we need tags where official documentation is concerned.
And now to the plight of a cousin whose name is Shree. And to top that, she had the AUDACITY to marry a person with a difficult name and a more difficult surname. She found herself in annoying situations quite often, but worse could have been the predicament of those who would find a woman walk towards them while they would be expecting a guy!
Some names can save you from certain unpleasant situations though. My aunt is a very religious person who would not allow a non-Hindu to enter her house. Once we were forced to stay overnight at her place, but one Mr. Parvez was accompanying us. We were in a dilemma, but she extended cordial welcome to him as she thought his name was Pareshbhai.
Tuesday, December 6, 2011
Thursday, December 1, 2011
From Chain Letters to SMSes and E-mails
When I was young (not that I am OLD - if life begins at 40, I am only 9 years) I used to receive post cards asking me to not break the chain and write letters to 12 or 20 or 16 people if I wanted so and so god or goddess to smile on me, or else it would spell doom for me if I broke the chain, these letters said. God Fearing Indians would immediately sit down to write such letters to various friends and most of them would continue the chain except some like me who would break this chain.
If hell has descended on me because of this, I know not, and I CARE not! But now things have changed. Do you think I mean to say people have become less superstitious?? NO rey, that is NOT what I mean. What I mean is people no longer write letters, they send sms or emails. "If you forward this email/sms to 21 people, you will get good news by evening, if you don't, great misfortune will befall you". "Oh really?" "which god has sent you as his agent,may I ask?" People have started using technology extensively, they are definitely moving ahead with times, but they are still not able to get out of the beliefs that they have grown up with. We say we are progressing. "How" is one question people are unable to answer. Having malls and multiplexes does not a modern country make, modernity can be achieved only when we break the shackles of age old beliefs.
Don't, please don't send such letters/emails/sms to people and subject them to this dilemma of "to break or not to break the chain". Nothing will happen to you if you break the chain. I am sure no god is peeping from his abode to find out if you have broken the chain so that he can punish or reward you accordingly. if you trust him, you should trust his benevolence and not get carried away by such gimmicks, and if you don't believe in him, there is even otherwise no question of reward or punishment by him.
If hell has descended on me because of this, I know not, and I CARE not! But now things have changed. Do you think I mean to say people have become less superstitious?? NO rey, that is NOT what I mean. What I mean is people no longer write letters, they send sms or emails. "If you forward this email/sms to 21 people, you will get good news by evening, if you don't, great misfortune will befall you". "Oh really?" "which god has sent you as his agent,may I ask?" People have started using technology extensively, they are definitely moving ahead with times, but they are still not able to get out of the beliefs that they have grown up with. We say we are progressing. "How" is one question people are unable to answer. Having malls and multiplexes does not a modern country make, modernity can be achieved only when we break the shackles of age old beliefs.
Don't, please don't send such letters/emails/sms to people and subject them to this dilemma of "to break or not to break the chain". Nothing will happen to you if you break the chain. I am sure no god is peeping from his abode to find out if you have broken the chain so that he can punish or reward you accordingly. if you trust him, you should trust his benevolence and not get carried away by such gimmicks, and if you don't believe in him, there is even otherwise no question of reward or punishment by him.
Saturday, November 26, 2011
Home Managers
Some time ago I went to an NGO as I was looking for a domestic help and thought of contacting them before looking for one on my own. I filled out the form and stopped short where they had mentioned them as Home Managers. I raised my eyebrows and the clerk said they preferred to call the maids Home Managers!!
Home Manager? They? Then who are we? I wondered. I thought we managed our houses (or at the most a few interfering husbands did).
I do believe in dignity of labour. I firmly believe that a person earning however petty an amount through whatever kind of honest work is worth a lot more than a person having accumulated riches through dishonest means. I also do not believe in calling them maids...but Home Managers?? That I find ridiculous! They are an integral part of any household and an apt title for them according to me is Domestic Help as they are there to share the burden of household work with the women of the house. They are there to assist but are not allowed to take decisions or do not have any say in matters of the house. Do they still deserve the title of House MANAGERS?
It is good to give manual work, and people doing such work the respect they deserve. Imagine what this place would be without the people who are cleaning the streets. No problem there, but in the process it should also not be forgotten that the title be commensurate with the work profile. What Say?
Home Manager? They? Then who are we? I wondered. I thought we managed our houses (or at the most a few interfering husbands did).
I do believe in dignity of labour. I firmly believe that a person earning however petty an amount through whatever kind of honest work is worth a lot more than a person having accumulated riches through dishonest means. I also do not believe in calling them maids...but Home Managers?? That I find ridiculous! They are an integral part of any household and an apt title for them according to me is Domestic Help as they are there to share the burden of household work with the women of the house. They are there to assist but are not allowed to take decisions or do not have any say in matters of the house. Do they still deserve the title of House MANAGERS?
It is good to give manual work, and people doing such work the respect they deserve. Imagine what this place would be without the people who are cleaning the streets. No problem there, but in the process it should also not be forgotten that the title be commensurate with the work profile. What Say?
Wednesday, November 23, 2011
Identify Yourself, Please!
Yet another phone call, same questions, same answers! "How are you?" "Fine, thank you"
"How is XYZ?" "He is fine too" "And ABC?" By then my head stars spinning...."who is this?" I ask and there is shocked silence at the other end. After a minute or two the connection comes to life again and the bruised voice asks "didn't you recognize me?" The hurt in the voice pains me and I feel guilty for days for not having recognized the caller, but tell me honestly, is it my fault?
Matters get worse when I pick up the phone meant for someone else, of course land line phone where there is no caller ID. I pick up the phone, give adequate replies to all standard courtesy question and hand over the receiver to whoever the caller asks for. As I heave a sigh of relief at having got over an ordeal, the question is paused to me, "Who is it?" I have no other option but to shrug my shoulders to convey that I am at absolute loss to identify the caller.
I have a question to ask to all the callers "why can't you identify yourself when you call?" "Why do you expect others to recognize your voice? When you are not a regular caller, when we do not talk everyday, when I do not get to listen to your voice regularly on radio/television as neither are you a newsreader, nor a leader giving lectures on air, how, tell me how am I going to recognize the sound of your voice?" I entreat you all, I love you all, respect you all but PLEASE make it a habit to identify yourself when you make a call.
I admit I do not have super human powers, I am an average human. I HAVE to be told who you are. I know I am DUMB, but that's the way I am, so please keep this in mind next time you call, and spare me the embarrassment and the feeling of guilt.
"How is XYZ?" "He is fine too" "And ABC?" By then my head stars spinning...."who is this?" I ask and there is shocked silence at the other end. After a minute or two the connection comes to life again and the bruised voice asks "didn't you recognize me?" The hurt in the voice pains me and I feel guilty for days for not having recognized the caller, but tell me honestly, is it my fault?
Matters get worse when I pick up the phone meant for someone else, of course land line phone where there is no caller ID. I pick up the phone, give adequate replies to all standard courtesy question and hand over the receiver to whoever the caller asks for. As I heave a sigh of relief at having got over an ordeal, the question is paused to me, "Who is it?" I have no other option but to shrug my shoulders to convey that I am at absolute loss to identify the caller.
I have a question to ask to all the callers "why can't you identify yourself when you call?" "Why do you expect others to recognize your voice? When you are not a regular caller, when we do not talk everyday, when I do not get to listen to your voice regularly on radio/television as neither are you a newsreader, nor a leader giving lectures on air, how, tell me how am I going to recognize the sound of your voice?" I entreat you all, I love you all, respect you all but PLEASE make it a habit to identify yourself when you make a call.
I admit I do not have super human powers, I am an average human. I HAVE to be told who you are. I know I am DUMB, but that's the way I am, so please keep this in mind next time you call, and spare me the embarrassment and the feeling of guilt.
Tuesday, November 22, 2011
Walking That Extra Mile
Yesterday I watched an episode of Star Ya Rockstar on Z TV. Though I did not watch the whole episode, I saw the parts where Sachin and Manasi were singing. The show is about actors, participating in a singing competition. The actors have to find time from their acting schedule to learn the intricacies of singing. They have to step out of their comfort zone no doubt, but the worst part is having Anu Malik as judge. As it is, the participants are doing a great job, but they were asked to sing a song entirely different from the style they were comfortable with……and hats off to the two of them who passed the acid test with flying colours!!! They sang so well inviting applauds from the judges as well as the audience, and they could achieve this feat only because they walked that extra mile..that is what makes them successful, this is what makes them special.
Many of us refuse to walk that extra mile, and that makes us stagnant, we blame our destiny for that. Venturing out of our comfort zone is in itself a difficult task for us, the feeling is akin to that of a child moving out of the house, leaving his family and stepping into a new world when he enters school. And walking THAT extra mile is out of bounds for many, but those who do it, outshine others.
A cook in my house prepares everyday meals for us and if we tell her to make the same vegetable differently, she does it begrudgingly.....and refuses to attempt anything new with "I don't know how to make it". She has enough work to supplement her family income, she balances her home and work perfectly, and she is not willing to add to her burden by trying out more recipes. She neither has the time, nor an inclination to do it. Fair enough. But I know another lady who had to venture out of her home due to necessity, she started cooking for many families, the style of cooking being different everywhere. She adopted the different styles willingly, tried to absorb more and more, learnt various dishes from women in those houses, from magazines and T.V and updated herself continuously. Now she has no time to cook for individual families, she takes orders on a large scale, for parties and other functions, and has prospered. "Lucky" people say. "No" I say....."she walked that extra mile, and that has made all the difference".
Many of us refuse to walk that extra mile, and that makes us stagnant, we blame our destiny for that. Venturing out of our comfort zone is in itself a difficult task for us, the feeling is akin to that of a child moving out of the house, leaving his family and stepping into a new world when he enters school. And walking THAT extra mile is out of bounds for many, but those who do it, outshine others.
A cook in my house prepares everyday meals for us and if we tell her to make the same vegetable differently, she does it begrudgingly.....and refuses to attempt anything new with "I don't know how to make it". She has enough work to supplement her family income, she balances her home and work perfectly, and she is not willing to add to her burden by trying out more recipes. She neither has the time, nor an inclination to do it. Fair enough. But I know another lady who had to venture out of her home due to necessity, she started cooking for many families, the style of cooking being different everywhere. She adopted the different styles willingly, tried to absorb more and more, learnt various dishes from women in those houses, from magazines and T.V and updated herself continuously. Now she has no time to cook for individual families, she takes orders on a large scale, for parties and other functions, and has prospered. "Lucky" people say. "No" I say....."she walked that extra mile, and that has made all the difference".
Saturday, November 19, 2011
The Lost Art
I am here to mourn the loss of a great art, that of letter writing. In this age of SMSes and emails, we are forgetting how our eyes used to light up at the sight of familiar handwriting on envelopes, how we used to wait for days to receive a reply to letters written to various relatives. We no longer do that, not even on special occasions...we send birthday, anniversary, new year wishes through sms, emails…...a standard message for everyone, empty words most of the time, or forwards of messages received.
Yes, emails have taken the place of letters, but it is not the same. It does not give the same feel, does not convey the same sentiments......and it becomes individualistic, the whole family more often than not just gets to hear the gist, and fails to connect with the writer.
I still remember how I used to write letters to all my cousins and wait for the reply. Mere sight of the postman was enough to rouse anticipation. In fact, my cousin's neighbor was a postman and whenever he passed her house, she would rush to the door, stop him, and inquire about her post. At last he got so annoyed that one day he stopped to tell my cousin that since he lived in the same lane, he would be passing her house a number of times in a day, not every time to deliver the posts. And since he had no desire to retain her posts, he would hand over the letters as soon as he receives them. These days courier boys are more common to sight than postman.
Last time I went to visit a cousin, he showed me my old letters written to him over a period of time. It was so touching a gesture......I had never expected they held so much meaning for him. And I have preserved all the cards he sent me because they were oh so beautiful......it was much later that I came to know they were hand painted and not printed.... (Flip side of being such a good artist)!! Letters, when read and reread, can recreate the magic, let you travel back in time and has the capacity to revive a person's spirits. They help strengthen the bond between two people disconnected for several reasons.
In this fast age of technological breakthroughs, it seems this art is now lost forever. It is a lot easier to connect though emails, sms and phone calls, though they cannot touch that core of your heart. I see no possibility of revival of this art.....and can do nothing else but mourn its loss.
Yes, emails have taken the place of letters, but it is not the same. It does not give the same feel, does not convey the same sentiments......and it becomes individualistic, the whole family more often than not just gets to hear the gist, and fails to connect with the writer.
I still remember how I used to write letters to all my cousins and wait for the reply. Mere sight of the postman was enough to rouse anticipation. In fact, my cousin's neighbor was a postman and whenever he passed her house, she would rush to the door, stop him, and inquire about her post. At last he got so annoyed that one day he stopped to tell my cousin that since he lived in the same lane, he would be passing her house a number of times in a day, not every time to deliver the posts. And since he had no desire to retain her posts, he would hand over the letters as soon as he receives them. These days courier boys are more common to sight than postman.
Last time I went to visit a cousin, he showed me my old letters written to him over a period of time. It was so touching a gesture......I had never expected they held so much meaning for him. And I have preserved all the cards he sent me because they were oh so beautiful......it was much later that I came to know they were hand painted and not printed.... (Flip side of being such a good artist)!! Letters, when read and reread, can recreate the magic, let you travel back in time and has the capacity to revive a person's spirits. They help strengthen the bond between two people disconnected for several reasons.
In this fast age of technological breakthroughs, it seems this art is now lost forever. It is a lot easier to connect though emails, sms and phone calls, though they cannot touch that core of your heart. I see no possibility of revival of this art.....and can do nothing else but mourn its loss.
Saturday, October 8, 2011
Diwali Cleaning
With Diwali sneaking from the corner, all housewives have begun cleaning the house, or getting it whitewashed, carrying out repairs/renovations, in short decorating the house to welcome Goddess Lakshmi. Inviting the Goddess into the household and creating proper surroundings to woo her to make it her permanent abode requires a lot of effort. The house should be spic and span, there has to be peace and harmony in the house, good food should be offered to her (who says way to only men's heart is through his stomach??) Lots of poojas are done to entreat her to enter the house and bring good fortune and prosperity in the household.
I have been hearing about all these since I was a child. My mom used to clean the house, make mouth watering dishes, create intricate and beautiful rangoli at the doorstep, and light diyas at night. (to make sure lakshmiji didn't miss the house due to darkness courtesy Gujarat Electricity Board....Baroda - my hometown is infamous for electricity playing truant even at meteorological department's mere forecast of rain, and at ALL other occasions.)
Despite having learned all this since I was a child, I don't believe all these is done for Laksmiji. I think the real purpose of this kind of thorough cleaning of the house in ENTIRELY different. I truly believe that the purpose of cleaning, renovating, refurbishing of the house, in short getting everything upside down is to locate many many things that we misplace during the whole year. We tend to misplace things and then when we try to locate them at most likely places, we are more often than not unable to find them. Diwali cleaning affords us an opportunity to find missing/misplaced things from unlikeliest of places. And this, according to me is the real purpose of Diwali cleaning.
I too have undertaken the herculean task of cleaning the house for Diwali....I started yesterday and in just two days I have rediscovered a lot of things that had gone missing since last year and had looked for them all over.
You may, or may not agree with me now, but after Diwali cleaning is over, and after you find all that had gone missing in the last year, you will definitely ponder over what I have written, and I am sure most of you will agree to agree with me!!
I have been hearing about all these since I was a child. My mom used to clean the house, make mouth watering dishes, create intricate and beautiful rangoli at the doorstep, and light diyas at night. (to make sure lakshmiji didn't miss the house due to darkness courtesy Gujarat Electricity Board....Baroda - my hometown is infamous for electricity playing truant even at meteorological department's mere forecast of rain, and at ALL other occasions.)
Despite having learned all this since I was a child, I don't believe all these is done for Laksmiji. I think the real purpose of this kind of thorough cleaning of the house in ENTIRELY different. I truly believe that the purpose of cleaning, renovating, refurbishing of the house, in short getting everything upside down is to locate many many things that we misplace during the whole year. We tend to misplace things and then when we try to locate them at most likely places, we are more often than not unable to find them. Diwali cleaning affords us an opportunity to find missing/misplaced things from unlikeliest of places. And this, according to me is the real purpose of Diwali cleaning.
I too have undertaken the herculean task of cleaning the house for Diwali....I started yesterday and in just two days I have rediscovered a lot of things that had gone missing since last year and had looked for them all over.
You may, or may not agree with me now, but after Diwali cleaning is over, and after you find all that had gone missing in the last year, you will definitely ponder over what I have written, and I am sure most of you will agree to agree with me!!
Division of Labour
My morning started with sounds of our neighbors arguing. It was surprising because all the members of that family are so quiet that they hardly speak......arguing is WAY out of the question! It was later that I came to know they were arguing over some household work.
Our neighbors are both working. The lady of the house has been working for years. Life for her was not so difficult till now, but now that she is advancing in age, she finds it very difficult to manage her home, work, shopping along with meeting with all social obligations, with absolutely no support from her husband or son. She has to manage everything alone. Today's cleaning job required two people but when her husband expressed his reluctance to help, she flared up.
Most Indian men have broadened their horizons, but only where it is convenient to them. They are not averse to working wives, as long as they look after the house and the children efficiently, takes care of the in-laws and all other odd jobs inside and outside of the house. But when they are asked to help in any of these jobs, they become uncomfortable.
It is not their fault I would say, they have been conditioned to believe that it is demeaning to do such jobs. Though this attitude is changing now, there are still a lot of families where boys are not expected to help out in the house (mine being one of them). When my son went to his friend's house, his mother taught him to make chapatis. She said even the boys should be trained in the house hold work.....and I agree with her completely. When they move to other places for studies or jobs, they should be equipped to fend for themselves.
These days with even the wife working and multi tasking, and growing scarcity of reliable domestic help, it is mandatory that all the members of the household do their bit to help her run the house efficiently without wearing herself out.
Our neighbors are both working. The lady of the house has been working for years. Life for her was not so difficult till now, but now that she is advancing in age, she finds it very difficult to manage her home, work, shopping along with meeting with all social obligations, with absolutely no support from her husband or son. She has to manage everything alone. Today's cleaning job required two people but when her husband expressed his reluctance to help, she flared up.
Most Indian men have broadened their horizons, but only where it is convenient to them. They are not averse to working wives, as long as they look after the house and the children efficiently, takes care of the in-laws and all other odd jobs inside and outside of the house. But when they are asked to help in any of these jobs, they become uncomfortable.
It is not their fault I would say, they have been conditioned to believe that it is demeaning to do such jobs. Though this attitude is changing now, there are still a lot of families where boys are not expected to help out in the house (mine being one of them). When my son went to his friend's house, his mother taught him to make chapatis. She said even the boys should be trained in the house hold work.....and I agree with her completely. When they move to other places for studies or jobs, they should be equipped to fend for themselves.
These days with even the wife working and multi tasking, and growing scarcity of reliable domestic help, it is mandatory that all the members of the household do their bit to help her run the house efficiently without wearing herself out.
Navratri Fasting
Today is the last day of Navratri Fasting, 7th day of fasting to be precise. This time tithis overlapped so there is one less day of fasting, they say one tithi contracted TB......I mean in Gujarati it is known as 'kshay' and only equivalent of Kshay known to me is TB!!
I have been religiously keeping fasts for past so many days....I am sure there must be some change in my weight after so many days of fasting.....I am sure about it....I must have definitely ADDED a couple of kilos to my already heavy load.
While some people fast to appease Gods and Goddesses, I fast to appease my taste buds, so treated myself with all kinds of 'Faral' cookable at home and available outside. Sabudana khichdi, vadas, aalu tokri, paneer tikka, rajgira thepla, kuttu pakoda, singhoda halwa....the list is endless, and I have only today to taste all that I have missed out on!!!
And since I am fasting, people around me have become ultra sympathetic, so whenever anyone from home goes out, returns with juices, soft drinks and sweets, lassi and ice creams, and of course they understand that I must be feeling WEAK after fasting so I am expected to do no work either!
Sigh, sigh. All these will come to an end tomorrow after Naivedya is offered to the Goddess. I will return to being an ordinary member of the house, eating all the routine stuff like daal, bhaat, shaak and rotli! No excuse of weakness or fatigue will be entertained and will have to start cleaning and cooking for the festivals ahead.
Now I have to wait for another year to start feasting (sorry, fasting) again, unless I decide to fast in the month of Shravan - will think about it - because I am not sure whether I will get the same benefits if I decide on a month long fast.
I have been religiously keeping fasts for past so many days....I am sure there must be some change in my weight after so many days of fasting.....I am sure about it....I must have definitely ADDED a couple of kilos to my already heavy load.
While some people fast to appease Gods and Goddesses, I fast to appease my taste buds, so treated myself with all kinds of 'Faral' cookable at home and available outside. Sabudana khichdi, vadas, aalu tokri, paneer tikka, rajgira thepla, kuttu pakoda, singhoda halwa....the list is endless, and I have only today to taste all that I have missed out on!!!
And since I am fasting, people around me have become ultra sympathetic, so whenever anyone from home goes out, returns with juices, soft drinks and sweets, lassi and ice creams, and of course they understand that I must be feeling WEAK after fasting so I am expected to do no work either!
Sigh, sigh. All these will come to an end tomorrow after Naivedya is offered to the Goddess. I will return to being an ordinary member of the house, eating all the routine stuff like daal, bhaat, shaak and rotli! No excuse of weakness or fatigue will be entertained and will have to start cleaning and cooking for the festivals ahead.
Now I have to wait for another year to start feasting (sorry, fasting) again, unless I decide to fast in the month of Shravan - will think about it - because I am not sure whether I will get the same benefits if I decide on a month long fast.
Drive......without driving people MAD
Today being the first day of Navratri Festival, we had gone to buy a 'Garbo'. We just returned by auto. As my husband was paying auto fare, a scooter came stumbling towards him.....without the rider!! A guest who had come home had parked his Activa on the slope in such a way that had the autowala not rushed to stop it, it would have caused a serious accident.
People have started using personal transport extensively, because public transport cannot be relied upon each time, people have learnt to ride, to drive, BUT unfortunately they have not learnt to PARK.
The other day, a guest had come to our place by his car, which he parked outside our home on the public road......in the MIDDLE of the road, blocking the whole road. Many of my son's friends started riding/driving while they were still in school (before they had attained legal age for driving)and whenever they came to meet my son, they would park their vehicle right in front of the gate......blocking the entire entry to the house.
While parents should not allow their children to drive before they reach the legal age and obtain a proper license, it is also important that they teach their children to drive safely, and to teach them to make sure that they cause least inconvenience to other people. That they learn to drive a vehicle, and not drive people mad with their ability, or lack of it, to drive a vehicle!!
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